crimogen | [ VOICEMAIL ]

[ VOICEMAIL ]

❝ Lestrade here. I'm currently busy and can't pick up your call
now, so just leave a message and I'll get back to you shortly.

[Brief pause.]

If you're Sherlock, sod off. If it's the Doctor...

[Another pause.]

Nevermind. Just leave your message here. I'll get it eventually. ❞

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[Hey, dude Peter doesn't really know! Since you put up with him as a kid and ~~Peter's kind of a wall-climbing stalker~~ that was pretty good on your part, find a card slipped under your door one evening, reading:]

Thanks for helping out.

-Peter

[Taped to it is a lollipop he totally ganked from the hospital. It's the thought that counts, right?]

[Yep, its the thought that totally counts. He's just glad that fiasco is dealt with before it got too out of hand - and that's all that he needs, really.

But he appreciates the lollipop. He can give it to the Doctor for him to enjoy.]

Gregory! Gregory. A Pony can control the weather. Repeat, our weather is under the hoof of a pony. That can talk!

They fly as well. Did I mention they fly? Are you at work? You're missing out. It's brilliant! It's amazing. Ponies with powers that can talk and fly.

Wait, isn't this a police matter? Shouldn't we all be more concerned? I mean ponies with powers... should we keep tabs? Is this finally your division because I have no idea what is. What do you do at work?

Are you there now? [There's a pause.] Can you ask your boss to look into this?

It's me again. Sorry to fill your voicemail but I have pressing urgent matters to discuss. Now. So listen as soon as you can.

[Super serious voice time.]

We're out of jammie dodgers. Pick some up. And also we need a bulb. I may have tripped over the wirey thing that connects the plug of the lamp to the plug socket thingy... and I may have broken the lamp. May. Not sure yet. The bulb has sort of broke everywhere. I got a little over excited during the pony rant.

See you soon!

Edited 2013-04-05 20:51 (UTC)

Bloody hell, Doctor, I was in a meeting.

And I told you before: stop leaving messages on my voicemail! Do you know how many of them do I need to clear each day?

I work in homicides, Doctor. Talking flying ponies that can control the weather is really not my division. And neither is it my boss's.

Back late tonight, so I've got no time to pick up those things you wanted. Go get it yourself, and DON'T get anything extra. And don't try to hide them either, I'll find out one way or another.

And stop leaving me voicemails already, christ. I have enough to sort through as it is.

gregory my hand needs to come home with me so we may have someone new. do not be alarmed. though he is a bit wet so mops are needed.

my hand is a person, by the way.

Hello, hello, this is Theta! I'm the Doctor's right hand. I was cut off in a swordfight at Christmas and kept in a jar by a man who could never die until I was stolen by a madman then tooled around the Doc-

[Blip, cut off too long message. He did not take a breath at all in that last bit either. Impressive, huh?]

That was rude. What did you say his name was? Gregory? Oh, yes! Hello, Gregory, this is Theta again and I'll be living there with you all since I'm the Doctor's hand and he needs me. There is this thing about the beds, and he'll be moving down to the lower one whether he wants it or not. Wait, Doctor, you called him 'partner'. Do you go and get married again?

[Click.]

Edited (message fix) 2013-04-09 00:08 (UTC)

[About five minutes later.]

Also, we could use more tea and biscuits of some sort. Chocolate ones would be wonderful!

Did you know there were talking ponies here? Bluish sorts of talking ponies? I spoke to one! The Doctor says you do some sort of detective thing. You should look into it!

Not chocolate, bring dodgers.

And sorry, I didn't realise he called you, only just caught him in the act. Honestly, rude of him, isn't it? Sending all those messages. I'm so sorry. I'll be more careful in future. See you soon, don't forget the biscuits!

Chocolate. You're supposed to bring chocolate. I know he told you those dodger things, but they're not as good as chocolates.

Honestly, I don't know why you married him. His other ones never catered to him like this.

what??????

What the hell is going on here?

[YOU'VE LOST HIM, DOCTOR.]

[HE IS SO LOST RIGHT NOW, YOU GUYS.]

I--we're not married!!

[WHY DID YOU EVEN SAY THAT?!?!?]

He said you were his partner. Do they call it something else here then?

[This is what happens when the Doctor introduces someone as his partner instead of as a Companion.]

And he's telling you what groceries to get.
And he lives with you.

Call what something else? We're just flatmates. And we're flatmates because he kept breaking into my flat and I was tired of changing the locks he broke.

[...yes, totally ignoring the groceries comment. SO WHAT IF HE FUSSES AT TIMES, HE'S AN OLD MAN OKAY.]

Bananas. We need bananas too. I invented the banana daiquiri, you know.

[That surely wasn't a crash of glass in the background. Nope. Never.]

He said 'partner', not assistant or companion. Take it up with the Doctor.

And don't forget the bananas and chocolate!

[WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING...]

I'm not any of those things!

[And no he is not getting the bananas and chocolate as well. :|]

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Page 1 of 4

[ VOICEMAIL ]

no subject

no subject

voice (1/?)

voice (2/?)

voice (3/4)

voice (4/4) because I can and I'm bored and we need this recorded

text (1/?); what have I unleashed upon myself

text (2/?); I knew I was going to start regretting this

text (3/4); but since you're asleep I will retaliate

text (4/4); muahahahaha

text; (1/2)

text; (2/2)

Voice 1/3 (Theta does not text if he can help it.)

Voice 2/3

Voice 3/3

another voice cause it's a bad day for Lestrade

Another voice about a half hour after the Doctor's

text;

you guys are terrible

not here;

weeping tears of laughter and pain right now

More laughter than pain?

so much more

Yes! This is good then.

sadly