crimogen | [ VOICEMAIL ]

[ VOICEMAIL ]

❝ Lestrade here. I'm currently busy and can't pick up your call
now, so just leave a message and I'll get back to you shortly.

[Brief pause.]

If you're Sherlock, sod off. If it's the Doctor...

[Another pause.]

Nevermind. Just leave your message here. I'll get it eventually. ❞

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[There are things best not to ask, Gregory.]

Oh. Well. He said it.

[There will be much sulking and sending of one DI back out for food.]

Why does he walk a cat like a dog? Doctor! Colin is a cat! They don't take 'walkies'. Doc-

[thank goodness voicemail messages only record for so long.]

[But this is his house we're talking about here.

--and yeah, he is sooooo not going to think about this until the end of his work day. So he will simply not respond and brace himself for whatever he has to face later.]

[ Greg, we have to talk. Things aren't working out at the station. There is to much bullshit and incompetence and Dexter doesn't want to deal with it. ]

You are the head of homicides. It is your job to tell me, the blood guy, when we have a murder that involves, you know, blood.

[ He lets out a breath of frustration. ]

It was already removed from the scene, I don't have any pictures taken of the body, the wound, or the scene.

[Hey what he's just a DI, not the bloody police chief. Don't ask him for everything!! RUDE.]

For what its worth, I was informed of it belatedly as well. [A sigh. Look, its not his fault that his flatmates are being horribly distracting and taking his house apart.] I'll make a note to the others to call you up when something like this happens again.

[In the meantime...]

I think there are some photos before they moved the body, but I'm not too sure. I can go around and ask if you'd like.

Edited 2013-04-12 07:28 (UTC)

I can't do my fucking job when shit like this happens, Lestrade.

[ Did Scotland Yard even have a blood spatter analyst? Do you realize the importance of what I do? Never thought I'd actually miss Masuka and fucking Doakes. ]

I'm on my way to the morgue so I can take a look at the body, but photos of the scene would be nice.

I know, I know. [Weary sigh. This is the sound of a man who has to go through red tape and bullshit too many times.] I'll send them over to your desk if I manage to find it. It won't happen again, Morgan, I promise.

You've been here longer than I have... Does this sort of thing happen often?

[ Kill me. It would be easier than having to deal with this. ]

More than it should be allowed. [A small huff of annoyance.] They really not used to the increasing crime rate.

[ Wait a minute, increased crime rate? There's something I could possibly help out with. ]

Increased crime rate? Are we talking misdemeanors or homicides?

Both. Not quite sure what's the cause of it, but things have been picking up a bit in the last month or so.

LESTRADE! There are talking and flying ponies around here! They're blue and can do things!

The Doctor said you were an investigator of some sort. Shouldn't you be looking into this? Have you heard of these things?

[About fifteen minutes later.]

The Doctor keeps insisting that he takes a cat for a walk. Did he hit his head?

Did the ponies do this?

OH! We need more sugar cookies too. We need those for the electricity. Don't forget them. I'll make sure there's some dinner left in the warmer for you.

You're welcome!

[Just what did he do to deserve this...]

1. I know about the ponies and no, they did not do anything
2. What the Doctor does with Colin is none of my business
3. Get the cookies yourself (and how do they relate to the electricity?)
4. ...I can get dinner for myself, thanks. But if there's leftovers you can keep them

[He let a Time Lord into his home who brought along his hand for fun.]

1. YES. They do! They fly and talk!
2. But - but he's walking Colin like a dog and giving him doggy toys. Are you sure he didn't hit his head? We don't like cats that much.
3. If you want to see how they relate to electricity, I suggest you bring them home. What kind of partner are you when you won't bring me those?
4. I made sure we kept some for you. I thought you might be hungry after a long shift. You don't eat enough. Everyone knows that. I made dinner. You'll like it. No takeaway! Good food at home. Put down that takeaway menu now.

[In self defence, the Time Lord invaded into his life. It was a losing battle from the start.]

1. Well, yes, besides that.
2. Hell if I know how it is the Doctor thinks. He's 1300 years old.
3. I don't want to see, I just want to know if either are you are going to trip the flat. Again.
4. Just what exactly did you make?

[Yep. Same losing battle against his hand who just moved in.]

1. What else do you want from them?
2. He is not. You believe his lies? He's only just over a thousand at best.
3. Just get them, okay? We need them. It's important.
4. I made you chicken alfredo. The Doctor can't cook. I kicked him out to take Colin for 'walkies'. That poor cat gave so much for you. Sacrificed so much so you could have a good dinner after working all day.

[His life, it is hard.]

1. I never said I wanted anything.
2. 1300 or not, he's still older than me. Or you.
3. If its that important than you can get it yourself.
4. I think the Doctor more liable to my compassion at this moment.

[Aliens, man. They invaded and Lestrade was taken over.]

1. They're ponies. Go investigate. Ponies should not be able to do these things.
2. He's only a little bit older than me! And I'm smarter. I'm more human than he is. He doesn't understand things we do. [Bros, right, Lestrade?]
3. But - but. Please? [At least he can ask nicely.]
4. If you think so. He is your partner, after all. I'm just his hand that got cut off.

[Prettttty much.]

1. Ponies are not my division, much less flying and talking ones.
2. He's still old enough for me to know better than to question what he does. [Yes, for all of that the Doctor does, Lestrade still trusts him.]
3. Why can't you get it yourself?
4. I know how Colin reacts, that's all.

Edited 2013-04-16 08:53 (UTC)

Ever thought about taking a look at some of our newest residents?

[ Dexter can handle this for you, Lestrade. ]

[A thoughtful hum.]

Not yet, but that would be a fair angle to look into.

Some of them are worth looking into.

[ Myself being one of those, but unlike all the other sociopaths in the world, I know how to do it and not get caught. Most are just concerned with the kill itself and not the entire process, which I find to be an extremely organic experience. Thank yooou, Harry. ]

Have you seen some of these guys? You can tell right away they're not quite right.

[A small, dry snort from Lestrade's end now.]

Trust me, I know. [He lives with two people who aren't quite right, let's be honest here.] But unless they do something here, there's not much any of us can do.

[ I can take care of it. Don't worry. ]

Who's to say they haven't done something here?

Even if they did, we'd have to know about it first. Can't press charges unless there's evidence.

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